When you Discover the Struggle is STILL Real....

My all time favorite sitcom is Living Single. One of my favorite plots was Maxine Shaw and Kyle Barker’s on-again (head over heels)/off-again (despising one another) relationship that lasted the entire series. Just when you thought they would never get back together again, one instance would bring back feelings of love and passion neither one could control. They would pick up right where they left off. They truly struggled, but it made for an amazingly hilarious ride. 

I can definitely say I had one of those moments, but it wasn’t hilarious to me. Around middle school, I was so excited to start dating and eventually grow up and get married and have babies. Waiting for my time, however, left me frustrated and my insecurities skyrocketed. I went through middle school, high school, college, AND graduate school never being in a relationship. No dates or boyfriends (and yes, my current status is the same). I started calling it my secret shame. Only my close friends knew. I either wouldn’t talk about it or even lie to hide my shame from others. 

Plenty of excuses have crossed my mind. I’m too shy. I’m too fat. I’m too independent. I’m not approachable. Im just not attractive. For years I couldn’t understand why no one wanted to take a chance on me.......how come no one found me worthy. 

A couple of years ago when I began to get serious about my faith, I decided to forget about all of it. Just focus on being a hard working, independent, fearless woman who achieved big accomplishments on her own. It was working too.........until I started writing this post. I discovered the struggle was still alive and well....and it’s REAL!!!!! I found myself upset and surprisingly on the verge of tears. I was forced to remember. Not just remember, but deal with it. Deal with the fact that I struggle with rejection. That I struggle with many insecurities. With comparison. 


So how DO I deal with it? I’ve learned that with knowing Christ comes new perspective. That maybe THIS peculiar situation will make for an amazing, “only Jesus could have done this” kind of love story in the future. Or that it’s an example to show other women how to live a full life as a single woman. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I honestly don’t know what will happen in this area in my life, but I rejoice for all the things He has done for me and in me throughout my life. I pray for my life and speak in faith over my future spouse. I’m learning to continually pray to be content with God’s will whatever it may be. I’m thankful and grateful for the grace and mercy that has sustained me throughout my life even when I was sad and upset with Him about this area. I’m thankful for His protection. I could’ve been in a relationship or marriage that could be dangerous to my spiritual, emotional, or even physical state. Even more so, I’m thankful that He has always been there even when I felt like I was all by myself and no one understood. Rejoicing, praying, and giving thanks makes the struggle and the shame  seem small and little by little.....it makes the struggle nonexistent. 

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