When I Get It Wrong...

I would love to think that I developed great character growing up. I was able to get along with people and didn’t “sweat the small things.” That I could get along with everybody and treat everyone with respect. That I strived to maintain that same character throughout my life.

When I graduated high school, my mom warned me on what was ahead in my life’s journey. She told me, “I wish I could say that you will never have trying times. I wish I could say there will not be difficult people that you will have to deal with. I wish I could say that you will never feel sad or angry.”

And you know moms, they always seem to be right.

When relationships with friends and family began to change, I was sad. When I encountered people who sought out to hurt my feelings or take me out of my character, I was angry. When life in general didn’t go in the direction I wanted it to, I was sad and angry.

Lately, I know for a fact that my character has been challenged, and I was losing. Someone looked at me and said, “It’s good to see you smiling!” Me?? I thought, I always smile, I’m the person that goes with the flow! However, when I decided to be honest with myself, that person was right. I had let disappointments, people, and current situations tear me down.

And what’s worse, my character breakdown was my fault. I’m supposed to let my light shine before others. I’m supposed to be praying and blessing those that curse me. I’m supposed to trust God and not lean on my own understanding. I know that it’s easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean it’s not required.

Maybe it’s all a part of the character building process. Maybe the question is “What am I supposed to learn?” rather than “Why is this happening?” My mom also said, “It is all to help you to become a strong, intelligent, committed, involved and useful woman,” and once again, she was right.

So, at this point I’m planning to spend the last few days of my 20s beginning to rebuild my character. I won’t worry about getting vengeance. I will heal and forgive from the people and situations that were meant to bring harm and start this new decade of my life focused on the true goal of letting my light shine as bright as possible, knowing that God’s goodness and mercy follows me daily.