When You're Learning to Love Yourself...

First things first…HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

Six months today I wrote my first post on this blog. I’m grateful for you sticking with me during this short time. Praying you’ll stick around for the long haul!

I’ve spent over half of my life making sure I have the right answer that puts my best foot forward. Something standard that doesn’t offend, doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable…something that’s socially accepted. It’s one of my constant battles.

My normal way of thinking has been challenged more than I’m comfortable to admit.

What exactly do I believe? And why? Because of my personal experience, or because of what someone told me?

What do I really what out of life?

What do I what others to learn through me?

I’ve been forced to expose good (and ugly) things about me, my life, and my character. And since love is the most popular topic nowadays…I figure why not talk about it?

I mentioned before that my love life has essentially been nonexistent. I used to think it was the end of the world. No one loved me. No one thought I was worthy. Would I ever be happy?

It sounds impossible, but I truly could not think of anything else. My mind was filled with weddings and babies and making babies…everything except the most important things. Service…hardships…sacrifice. Then it hit me; Am I REALLY wanting marriage? Or am I craving for attention?

Just wanting to convince somebody that I am worthy enough…pretty enough…good enough to be loved.

Up until six months ago, my thoughts tortured me. I was set on believing I was obviously missing out. And I was missing out. Not on love though. I was missing out on all the things God had planned for me as a single person. I wasn’t paying attention to the love I was being surrounded with by true friends and family.

I hadn’t given myself the time to see just how much God loved me. Not as the woman I was trying to make myself. But as the woman I am right now. It seems like common knowledge but THAT blew my mind.

Then I began to wonder…what would happen if I put all this worrying about my future love life to the side and truly began to live? Start dreaming…begin using my imagination and trusting God through it all.

So, I started planning trips, some alone and some with friends. Deciding on doing things that would make me uncomfortable (like write a monthly blog!). Expand on leadership and job skills I assumed I didn’t have, but have been hidden for long I forgot about them.

Sometimes I do great. Sometimes those feelings creep up again and the good plans I had get cancelled. Sometimes I have to completely force myself to step despite my feelings. Do things with friends. Do things by myself.

Instead of feeling awkward and lonely, I felt relaxed and mentally at peace, which is something I can’t say I’ve had many experiences.

 So my goal for the next six months is to keep inviting new challenges and new experiences and embrace them, and then turn around and challenge someone else to step out. To embrace to new things…learn something new about yourself. Together, our experiences and newfound discoveries can lead to something truly special.